“I look around and see a lot of other people who are also on assignment but instead of “electrifying” their pupils…their ego “pacifies” them while craving to be seen as a ‘god’ in a field that isn’t their ministry. That oversight can lead one to ‘sacrifice’ their morals in order to achieve what they want for themselves as opposed to achieving what God wants for them. This behavior only leads to mental unrest at a time when your hard work suggests you should be moving forward with peace of mind.”

“At this point, I am less concerned with how I will be viewed and more inquisitive about who I am. Because weird things like this keep happening and I can’t imagine that this amount of energetic effort would be wasted on a nobody. My twin telling me “I’ll never be the chosen one” has been playing in my head all day and now I really want to know who tf am I?”

“I realize this subject is sensitive because it is taboo for an African…American person to openly declare ideologies of non-inclusion because we have been conditioned to believe that welcoming outsiders with open arms comes naturally to us. But those open arms often embrace individuals who have hidden agendas. This isn’t a one size fits all post because some culture vultures have good intentions. And this isn’t just directed to the non-pigmented because culture vultures come melanated too. This is directed to all non-African…Americans.”

“Many many many years ago, my twin said something that sparked my suspicions about her playing with magic. One day we were leaving out of her apartment and she randomly…and casually…asked if I wanted to know how to break up someone’s relationship. I asked her what she was talking about and she said something about a ‘freezer spell’.”

“Once again, I feel like a ‘lick’ who has been ‘child trapped’ by a family full of bitters. Their expectations of me, in regards to my sister’s child, makes me feel like they are trying to make up for the fact that I outsmarted my first two ‘trap artists’. I spoke about the single mom curse running rampant in my family and how I avoided that reality by way of seed deletion(s). But now, I legitimately feel my ‘family’ is trying to vicariously induce the negative feelings that experience could have given me through my niece. All while continuing to exclaim how mentally ill I am.”

“That left me with a question I still haven’t been able to answer…”Am I really bipolar?” Because if I am, the reactions I have had to my reality makes a lot more sense…and I’m considering reworking the angle that I write this blog from.”

“I found an old diary of mine from 2011 and decided to start reading it. This is one of 2 diaries that I still have in my possession and when I read them I always wish I had the ones from my childhood because I was always so detailed with my thoughts. I don’t know if I’ve said this in any of my previous posts but ALL of my diaries…and other childhood memories have been lost to storage units. We moved around often and whenever a move happened my mother would put our things in storage units and never pay the bill.”

“The studio I now reside in has had several paranoia inducing incidents since I’ve been here and a few of them have involved maintenance men. This is a part of the reason I blew up(via email) at the first apartment complex that didn’t extend me an option to renew. The issue that led to my blow up was the entry into my unit without my knowledge…and with no work order request on file. Needless to say, I handled the first incident like a lunatic. Strangely enough I’m being given a ‘do over’ because I am currently experiencing the same exact scenario at the complex I live at now.”

“I need to take a few seconds to hold myself accountable for not staying in a woman’s place when I initially advised that Kdot would just be “ingesting empty calories” if he made a response.”

“God has literally been reduced to a Sugar Daddy…of sorts…and the only way for Him to get the sugar of praise is to open His wallet filled with favor. I know some will find offense in these statements and that’s probably because I’m right. But I’m also ‘bipolar’ so you have to publicly say you understand…and gossip about my jarring beliefs in private. It’s the rules.”

“No one, other than my twin, acknowledged my point. She honestly could’ve kept her response to herself though. She told me that no one believed I’d ever commit the act of early extinction because I am too “vain” to do so. After that it clicked that I live in the kind of family who would cry crocodile tears at the funeral of the person whose death they played a part in. Sadly, this happens more than people realize.”

“Unfortunately for me, there are many psychological terms to explain away the paranoia of ‘diagnosed’ individuals, who are actually just experiencing spiritual warfare. So speaking about my experiences just opens me up to more claims about my alleged mental imbalance. And when I add in the fact that I experience this warfare from strangers too…I open myself up to suggestions for psych evaluations.

“I have given my mother more grace than I currently feel she deserves throughout this process. Grace comes because I empathize with her for growing up with a woman who I was told was also diagnosed with ‘bipolar’ disorder when my mother was young. My grandmother never got help from what I heard so my heart has always held a sympathetic spot for the inner child of my mother.“

“Disclaimer: This is a loooong post. I speak about spirituality, prophecies and witchcraft in this one. If your belief in God is restricted to the confines of the church…please click off or be prepared to feel fake outrage. Honestly, I just really needed to get this off my chest because this is what spiritual warfare actually looks like.”

“Did I complain about the disruption to my sleep pattern even though I went to sleep late last night…annoyed by a familial trigger attempt I narrowly escaped? No. But did I deep dive into a full state of mania after being triggered again this morning? Sure did. I spent 2 hour texting the Gang Goofy chat, on and off, a minimum of 15 messages.”

““Friendship” is a fantasy unless it is a relationship you have with self. Because everyone is walking around with some kind of unhealed trauma. If you engage with another human soul for long enough…at some point your existence will trigger an unflattering emotion within them. If you look closely at how they behave when that happens…you will get my point.”

“I have been an overtly undercover ‘mean girl’ for as long as I can remember. And ‘diagnosis’ aside…I have always known that I always know exactly what I am doing. I’ve been able to water down how I view my meanness though because I found sovereignty in the fact that my inner demon never appears unless provoked. But if my perspective is polluted…provocation is inevitable.”

“The sense of entitlement that this new generation of adult children have, as a result of the misguidance from the older adult children who raised them, is excruciatingly infuriating. But because I’m already at a disadvantage with having the diagnosis of ‘bipolar’…I have to carefully contain the rage flowing through my body in order to articulate the fury I feel right now.”

“I have been called “crazy”, “schizophrenic”, “delusional”, “paranoid” and a “loser” throughout my reign in the group chat(s) by the same people who then turned around and told me how concerned they were for my decision not to “get help”. Over the last year, comments like these have died down drastically. But the new replacement insult now thrown out is my living situation.”

“I won’t say my ‘family’ would take it to that extreme but God shows us who is for and against us before we get betrayed. If you see the slightest hint of someone showing signs that they will use a lie to stomp your light out the first chance they get…exit stage left. Not doing so will only put you in an energetically draining scenario that you may not recover from.”