Detail

These thoughts were triggered by my need to give more context…

So I told a half truth and it’s causing some frustration in my psyche. I spoke about my family disowning me in a previous post and the reasoning I gave was because after I sent that 4 Page Letter to the chat, my BM went to the group and told them I was having a manic episode. That is partly true. The whole truth is that shortly after I sent the ‘conversation starter’ text, everyone seemed to be hopped up on the idea of healing. That resulted in a lot of pointless conversations taking place that had nothing to do with finding a family therapist and after a while I was over it. A few volatile arguments broke out in the chat with other members of the ‘family’ and after the explosions, the talking died down. Sometime later the older aunties devised a plan on how to move us forward as a unit. Their suggestion made me wish for the truth to show up on their front doors with a mirror…to force them to face the reality of the source of our familial toxicity.

The suggestion was to do a family wide Zoom call that focused on everyone highlighting the positive attributes of one another. So basically their suggestion was to ignore the trauma and focus on positively reinforcing the traumatizers. I simply could not. I had a brief black out and started speaking some truths about who in the family didn’t like who and I revealed some secrets that probably should have been left in the confines of my mind. I have always been somewhat of a family confidant because I’ve always been the family member who called to check up on my siblings/cousins. So I was in possession of a lot of familial intel. After allowing the truth to escape my lips, EVERYONE marked me as their target. My ability to make enemies so easily should honestly be studied by scholars.

I have to make note that when the bigger chat gave me positive feedback from my starter text, I went back to the chat with my immediate family and mocked my BM by telling her I had been “vindicated”. She had successfully sabotaged my efforts with my siblings, so being backed by people she didn’t have such an influence over felt like a win to me. Unfortunately, seeing me turn state’s witness against those who initially supported my escape from her looney bin gave her the in she needed to push the ‘bipolar’ agenda. My inability to call a spade a frog once again tripped me up with the people who could have helped me in my mission to undo what our generational curses had done. Needless to say…my BM seized her opportunity to deepen the divide I created. Hindsight allows me to congratulate her for her swiftness..but time is showing that she underestimated my ability to thrive in the subsequent isolation. Because all it did was force me to become the change I wanted to see.

A part of me truly wants to show up to the family sèance this summer. I want to flaunt my mental stability in the faces of everyone who clearly encouraged me to have a mental breakdown so that the truths I spoke about them in the chat could be easily dismissed. But intentionally placing myself in an environment filled with people who have already shown there is no bottom they will not sink to in order to trigger the worst out of me is dumb. The spiritually inclined know this would be a set up for a ‘sacrifice’. Over the years, there have been many examples of similar situations taking place in the news. The most notable one took place on a Mexican vacation among a group of ‘friends’. I won’t say my ‘family’ would take it to that extreme but God shows us who is for and against us before we get betrayed. If you see the slightest hint of someone showing signs that they will use a lie to stomp your light out the first chance they get…exit stage left. Not doing so will only put you in an energetically draining scenario that you may not recover from.

I don’t need anymore context clues to verify I am seeing what I know I’m seeing with these people. The lesson is in holding my position until God sees fit to reveal my sight about those trying to stay hidden…to those who have the eyes to see them. Because these are the eyes that will aid in the mass removal of blindfolds on kids born into families just like mine.

Love,

Choosy