UnSacrificeAble

Caution: This post is necessarily long. No screenshots today…there were too many to edit.

My Gawd…

Today’s triggers were worse than yesterday. The day started out normal but after picking my niece up…my little sister text me saying she was about to start a client. She didn’t tell me anything about this prior to the text so I responded with expletives to express my frustration. Arguing with her was a waste of time so after a couple texts…I acted like the sucker I am and took my licks. There was still an issue with getting my niece’s clothes from my twin and for whatever reason…she was acting weirder than she usually does. She kept going back and forth about whether or not she wanted me to come get them and eventually decided to let me pick their stuff up from her leasing office. By the time I got there…the leasing office was closed and their things were in bags on the ground in front of it. I wasn’t asked to go get the uniforms today, I offered, so I can’t complain about the hoops I had to jump through to get them.

**Side Note: When my niece and I got to my apartment one of the pictures on my wall was knocked down but it was propped up on the corner of the wall in a way that looked like someone had set it there. It’s the picture I put up over the electrical box and it’s been hanging for a loooong time. How it made it to the side of the wall and managed to stay upright had me in a fear like trance the first 15 minutes we got in there. My mind immediately went to the maintenance men but I don’t have proof they were in here because the spy cam I bought requires a subscription that I didn’t want to pay for. My first thought was to send an email to the leasing office but my second thought told me that if I make another accusation without concrete proof…I’ll probably be politely asked to terminate my lease early.

Before going to my twin’s place, my little sister let me know she only had 4 braids left. But she was nowhere to be found when I told her I was on my way over an hour later. In between that time, my niece’s aunt, on her father’s side that’s the same age as my little sister, started texting me. I was initially under the impression that my niece was uncomfortable being with her when my little sister isn’t around because when I ask her if she wants me to drop her off, instead of staying with me, she says no. Today when I was trying to make my decision on whether I was going to drop her off, without my little sister there, I asked her to tell me why she always chooses to stay with me. I ended up finding out it had nothing to do with anything bad but by that time my little sister had already told the other aunt what I said. Even though I text my sister telling her I was wrong about what I had assumed. That information wasn’t relayed though. So when I went to let the other aunt know I was on the way…she was a little spicy. When she finally got to the house, after making us sit and wait for 55 minutes, we got into an argument and she let it slip that she felt a way about what I said. My little sister was still nowhere to be found.

The argument started because the other aunt tried pretending she was taking my niece in the house after she got out my car. But I sat in front of the house waiting for my little sister because the other aunt pulled up in a van…with a man I didn’t know and my little sister wasn’t answering my texts. When she came back out the house with my niece and tried to get in the car…I made a scene. It ended with her telling me they were just going to the store and 30 seconds after I got back in my car my little sister text me telling me she was in the car the whole time…but didn’t show herself because she was avoiding me. She couldn’t send a picture to prove she wasn’t lying so I told her I’m making a report in the morning. Because at this point it’s obvious she isn’t going to stop purposely using her child to put me in situations that trigger my mania. After I said what I said I blocked her and started texting the other aunt. That ended with her asking me to fight and when I told her ‘I’ll pass on letting her touch me’ she got angrier with each text she sent. By the end of it she told me I would never see my niece again. Eventually I just started writing ‘Lol’ to her messages and after she told me I was “pathetic”…I sent her a kissy face. I’m assuming I wasn’t giving the reaction she wanted because she stopped texting.

My twin text me towards the end of my conversation with the other aunt..telling me how “Divinely protected” she is. This text confused me because she text me earlier telling me I’d never hear from her again after saying she was done with everybody. I replied asking her why she was texting me…after telling me I’d never hear from her again…and I told her I literally have no desire to be a part of her life. She never wrote back. I say all this to say that this might have been one of the worst triggers I’ve had in a while because they introduced a new player that I wasn’t expecting. While waiting for someone to show up at the other aunt’s house, I decided to have a heart to heart with my niece. I explained that sometimes people will go out of their way to make you angry and told her that when that happens to me I just pray to God and ask Him to help. I don’t know if they’re serious about not letting me talk to her anymore but at this point…it wouldn’t be the first time they used this method to get a reaction out of me after I chose not to give them the one they wanted. All I know is I’m very tired. But…this yoga isn’t going to do itself.

Full Disclosure: My ‘family’ knows that sacrificing me will bring them financial success because my energy is pure. If that sounds crazy…I can give a few examples, of a few families, who have succeeded with sacrificing someone in their family…and achieved success right around/or a short while after their ‘loved one’ passed. 2024 is the year God lets them know He saw what they did though because He always gets the last laugh.

Love,

Choosy