TwinDem
CAUTION: There’s a lot going on behind the scenes right now and I’m losing the fight to remain in control of my representative. So this week is dedicated to honoring my ‘disorder’. I’ll be some version of ‘manic’ in most of the posts and many will probably be turned off by my pride. I feel like, in the future, I’ll regret my decision to show my socially unacceptable side but I’m being all of my authentic self. I know the internet is not a safe place to do this but…we’re already here.
These thoughts were triggered by me forgetting the word ‘humility’ exists…
Back to the group chat I went. (SSs below) Atp I know my chat rants are revealing parts of me that I’d rather pretend don’t exist…but in the moments when I’m thumbing out my thoughts…I experience a level of catharsis that is like a high. I can’t tell if this is a narcissistic high (from my ego’s perspective) or an empathic one (from the perspective of my inner child). Either way…it takes me a minute to kick the habit once I start tingling. Last night I caught a live from a Youtuber I watch from time to time, Real Talk with Yanie, that had me itching to hit the chat. The live is from 9/5/24…called Let’s Unpack The Drama! Cam Newton’s Ex… And I clicked immediately because I’m still a gossip girl. The live had already been on for a while by the time I clicked and she was speaking about karmic friendships when I joined. I listened for a few minutes but knew I was going to have to (re)listen the next day because my eyes were already droopy. So earlier today I gave it my full attention and my immediate thought went to my ‘mother’ and her minions.
‘Karmic’ and ‘Divine Feminine’ are terms used frequently in the spiritual community. (See Google/Tik Tok for definitions) For a while I automatically assumed I was a Divine Feminine…but this was before I realized how influential my ego is on most of my decisions. It wasn’t until I started working on myself that I was able to admit that I possess qualities of both. Karmics feed off of the energies of others as opposed to a DF who nurtures and fosters the healing of it. I still display karmic tendencies at times because I’m not fully aligned with my highest self but I’m closer to my divinity then I used to be. There are some ‘women’, however, who purposefully mask the energy they carry…in order to trick others into believing they are who they aren’t. They specialize in adopting the persona of another woman in order to attract people, places, and things…which can also be seen as ‘destiny swapping’. These karmics are usually able to mimic their target but it only works if the DF they are feeding off of remains heavily in her lower vibrations…like I’ve been in for the last few years. But once she begins to heal…the mask falls off of both…revealing to all who is who.
The whole concept of these labels is based in pride but I don’t think it’s any different than declaring yourself “blessed and highly favored”. Both are terms used to make a distinction from the ‘have and have nots’…in the name of a Higher Power. A few weeks ago I sat comfortably in my seat of pride and told my twin that she’s been cosplaying my personality…after she started using my favorite phrase a**clowns. (I got it from Bad Santa and I’ve been using it ever since.) When my twin started using the phrase I couldn’t not say what I said in the smaller chat. And when I watched the live from Yanie…the confirmation of what I’ve been feeling arrived. I feel like the screenshots tell the story better than I can write it out so I’ll say less in this post. But the synopsis is…masks are falling off now that I’m starting to voice truths that I’ve been conditioned to believe are “delusions” all my life. I have to be honest and say I’ve mimicked the personality traits of others in order to fit in, when I was younger, because I used to be scared to be myself. But I’ve never done so while pretending, FOR YEARS, that the person I copy catted was a psychologically unsound lunatic. That would make me crazy.
Love,
Choosy
