Seer
These thoughts were triggered by my sight…
Nope…not bipolar. Just very much targeted…to this day. It was a looooong day filled with one-sided emails written by both sides of my personality. Saying there weren’t 9 emails sent out today before 1 reply was received would be a bold face lie. And pretending not to be the obsessive sender would be an insult to your intellect. At first…I couldn’t stop emailing because I was annoyed by the fact that I was being ignored. Then…I kept sending them because writing out my anger felt cathartic. I said all the things that I’ve been called crazy for saying out loud…and I acted in all the ways those who trigger me try to convince me I should be embarrassed by. Towards the end, I told ‘management’ that they were acting like I was asking this neighbor to “come into the hallway and do crack with me”. After that…I kinda figured I had started going in the wrong direction.
By the time my Guides told me to wrap it up…I had said everything that was on my mind and told them to have the day they deserved. I’m only posting the last email because it touches on what I feel is the root of all this targeting…my ‘baitability’. (Email below) What surprised me the most wasn’t the fact that all my other emails went ignored for 4 days straight. It was the fact that once I made my statement about being told to be quiet…the corporate liaison I cc’d in, finally made his presence known. (The same thing used to happen in the group chats when I would try making a melodramatic exit…someone would throw out another trigger that I always felt compelled to irrationally respond to.) His email stated there was nothing they could do about my concerns because the tenant with her camera focused on me…and her ‘door’, isn’t violating the terms of her lease. He added that the hallway is considered a “common space” and advised there is “no expectation of privacy” when in it. I, of course, couldn’t challenge what he wrote because…I signed the same contract my neighbors signed. And business is business.
On a business level his explanation makes a lot of sense. But from the perspective of someone who showed all the signs of a panic/manic attack, heightened paranoia, and obnoxious anxiety…how consideration wasn’t made for the ‘condition’ my behavior clearly indicated I have is crazy to me. At this point it’s obvious that…NO ONE BELIEVES I’M BIPOLAR! Or they do and could care less. Either way…I was offered the option to move out within 7 days with all fees waived or to move to another unit at my expense…so there’s that. I actually considered moving to another community at first but when I thought back to all the other places I’ve stayed and businesses I’ve entered with every intention to maintain my peace…all I could see was how that peace was always short-lived. Because without fail…the moment a ‘tormenting spirit’ felt my energy…unrelenting chaos ensued. I would say this was a coincidence if I only had a couple documented examples of standing in an enclosed field with crowds of people pointing their arrows at the bullseye on my heart chakra…but it happens everywhere I go. These energies stalk mine and they always work in groups.
I honestly hate the fact that I’m still so unassuming. I’ve experienced the same triggers a million times but I’m still caught off guard when the energies behind them are exposed to me. I used to fall for the belief, implanted in me by my ‘family’, that my mind was making these things up. But I don’t need too many more examples, of being intentionally f*cked with, to see that what I’m experiencing is very real. I asked God to help me navigate through this current maze I’m in because I know He orchestrated it. I will always stand by my belief that He uses me as bait to weigh the hearts of those who claim to believe in Him. So this is just another test, for all involved. After requesting His help, I was reminded that the test for me is whether I will say what is in my heart…irrespective of how it makes me look to the human eye. What’s in my heart are thoughts that usually put my sanity into question…but it’s the God’s honest truth.
Psychologists would probably label my bait beliefs as ‘gradiose delusions’ or even ‘psychosis’. God just sees me as another pair of His eyes…kept here to see into the hearts of those who hide their true character from those who have no sight. And I share my insight with whoever cares to listen. Today…I saw a lack of compassion, from those assigned with power byway of a title given to them by man. So basically…more of the same. My ‘mother’ is, of course, the blueprint for this imprint on my reality. There is no escaping her optical illusions.
Love,
Choosy
