ScareCrow
These thoughts were triggered by pushing through my fear…
I appreciate the commitment that my Guides have to seeing me reach my full potential. They allow me to rest when I need to but they never let me pretend I need more downtime than I actually do. Which works for me because my kryptonite is comfort. I always know when I’m being guided to do more and most of the time I listen out of respect. But I have my days…when I just want to do less. My intention is never to be disrespectful but at this point I feel like my Guides know that ‘lazy’ is one of my love languages. Two weeks ago, was the expiration date I gave myself on a goal to graduate to Level 2 of the Yoga DVD I’ve been using. And I offered inexcusable excuses for why the weeks came and went. I had every intention of moving to the next level but every time I did Level 1…the thought of there being a heightened version of that was…scary. I put it off for a while until a few days ago when I pushed play…fully expecting for the DVD to take me to the place I last stopped. I was annoyingly surprised when the level I’d been avoiding…showed up unannounced on the screen. I still have no idea how it happened.
After accepting that I was no longer being given the option to postpone my progress…I decided to push past my comfort zone and…I literally landed on my face. I was able to get through most of the new positions without feeling like I was going to collapse…but when I got to this pose called the ‘Crow’…I flew into the floor. Today was my third time working through this level and I can finally hold myself up for 3-4 seconds…which is a slight exaggeration but the point is I’m getting better. I’m pretty sure I have a good 5 seconds in me but every time I remind myself about how hard the floor hits…I scare myself out of my potential success. And when I add historical context to this realization…I’m able to recall a lot of opportunities I’ve missed out on…because I fed myself the worst case scenario instead of allowing myself to see the full range of potential.
I can’t fault my current fear though because I keep having flashbacks of hard wood…after trying to do something I’ve never done before. That pose is insane. But the nurturer in me is trying to massage my inner masochist away by allowing the idea of failing to be an acceptable possibility. Up until now I’ve been dealing with the possibility of failure…by postponing my decision to try. That’s unbelievably unproductive. I know I always come around to doing the things I put off…eventually…but there is so much time being wasted on my ‘I’ll do it tomorrows’. I’m grateful my Guides step in when I take too long but the commitment to pushing myself towards my progress is supposed to be my priority. So I’m taking the time to source my scariness so that I take the next opportunity to elevate…without hesitation. Which is exactly the lesson I think God is trying to give me because I know He’s tired of me pretending I can’t do what He’s given me the capacity to. I just have to be patient with the process and accepting of the fact that I won’t always get it right the first time.
Love,
Choosy
