MyTypes
Update: I didn’t text the chat.
These thoughts were triggered by getting the same gift…in different packages…
It’s no secret that I’m very single. Atp, I don’t even remember how to spell r3leighshonshyp. ‘Honestly, truly’. The reasons are a discussion for another day but while thinking about this earlier…I had an epiphany. Anytime I’ve been attracted to or attracted a man…he’s had 1 of 3 personality types. It’s either been the momma’s boy, the f*ck boy, or the nerd. These men always look different but the energy they carry has never not been one…or all three… of those options. I now know the reason I attract these types stems from my need for emotional validation. This was a trait all these men possessed so I attracted who I was. But I don’t feel like focusing on myself today so I’m focusing on what I’ve learned about these energies.
The Momma’s Boy: When I was in my early 30’s I met a guy who was a few years younger than me. He was short, dark and handsome and we dated for a while. But the relationship had no real potential. I was too disrespectfully reactive and he was too dependent on his mother. At his core, he had an amazing heart and it used to annoy me the way he tried to pretend he was an a**hole because it wasn’t really him. Hindsight shows me that this was the defense mechanism he used when he wasn’t able to acknowledge that his feelings were hurt. When I look back it’s weird that his mom was so involved in his life but never taught him how to regulate his emotions. The years I had on him put me in a maternal position…and it used to feel like he sought out situations for me to validate his masculinity. And when I challenged it…he brought his mother up. IMO, his mom stunted his growth and served as a placeholder for his confidence. In order for any woman to qualify as a partner…they had to fill the role of walking him through his emotional maturation…like his mother should’ve done but didn’t because she knew if she did…he wouldn’t have been so dependent on her.
The F*ck Boy: I’ve ‘dated’ two of these and they both fit the tall, dark, handsome category…before I knew that was a thing. The common denominator between them was a broken relationship with both of their parents…carefully disguised as happy one’s from the outside looking in. These men were always looking for the validation of feeling like they were enough so they offered themselves to as many women as possible…while making the women think they were the only one. To a misguided mind, it looks cool to juggle more than one heart and most men get praised for it…by other ‘men’. So the validation received by ‘masculine’ energy fills the void of a father who never told them they were good enough. And the validation received from the women who pour only into them…while they pour into multiples…gave them a sense of control over feminine energy that filled the void of a mother who never showed them real love. The sex was always A1 because this type of man learns how to provide pleasure as opposed to partnership. Which can trick a woman with daddy issues who hasn’t learned that physical compatibility isn’t the same thing as love.
The Nerd: This is the man I wanted to choose but kept in the friend zone when I realized the only thing worse than an insecure woman…is an insecure man. His look wasn’t my normal type but his personality was everything. By definition “nerds” are individuals who don’t fit most make-believe societal norms. As adults, the concept of individuality can be easily accepted. But as kids…the emotional scarring that comes from being rejected, for being who you are at your core, can leave lifelong trauma that can permanently affect confidence. The man I dealt with overcompensated for EVERYTHING in order to cosplay confidence. He was an over giver and he used his kindness to shape the opinions that others had of him. Which is why we attracted each other. He fished for compliments in a way that used to agitate my soul and it wasn’t until I got older that I realized this was a result of all the rejection he experienced as a child. I’m an expert in compliment giving but the level of insecurity in him only fostered an environment where I was emotionally drained from my efforts to pour into him. I had issues with my own insecurity so being the one constantly pouring into his bottomless cup only ended up validating feelings of my inadequacy.
Long story longer…I will always attract these energies because the energy is still within me. The trauma I’ve accrued from my misguidance, daddy/mommy issues and the confidence I gave away by trying to fit into someone else’s box, is still deeply imprinted on my psyche. God allowed me to experience myself through these men when my energy and vibration was at its lowest. And we got the worst of each other. I don’t care much for the single life but if I’m just going to keep attracting who I am…the least I can do is get to the highest version of myself while I’m in my “Single Season”. That way I can finally attract someone I don’t have to heal from…and someone who doesn’t have to heal from me.
Love,
Choosy
