WordsMatter
These thoughts were triggered by offering my ‘mother’ parenting advice…
I went to sleep before midnight last night which rarely happens. I usually purposefully stay up and read my post because…I’m my biggest fan. So I read them right when the clock hits 12 and then I fall asleep. It’s a whole thing. But last night I was tired so I fell asleep around 11:30pm and was awakened by a text from my little sister at 12:18am. (SSs below) I have never in my life been a heavy sleeper so when I heard the ding I was up…and couldn’t fall back asleep for another hour. What annoyed me more than my sleep being interrupted was the reason for the interruption. She asked me at 12:18am if I would be able to take my niece to school…today. In another post I spoke about having to wake up at the a** crack of dawn in order to do my pre-work work and then make the drive to get her to school on time. Even though I overestimated how early I needed to wake up…I still had enough time to mentally prepare because I was told in advance. With her texting me hours before…I was left with no other option but to tell her a** no.
She tried giving me a wild story of a ‘car accident’ that had happened yesterday morning which was her reason for asking me but she inherited the family’s ability to call a spade a frog…so her fairy tale went in one eye and out the other. I ended up blocking her when I felt my ‘pressure’ rising and immediately screenshot the conversation into the group chat. I called them “disgusting”, referenced this situation solidifying spell work I predicted was being done a few weeks ago, tossed and turned for an hour and fell back asleep. This morning I woke up and sent another text but I could feel my urge to dip into my ‘mania’ pulling me closer to it. My little sister added to that after I found out my niece didn’t go to school. I unblocked her to say I could play pick up and she had the nerve to try to guilt me into feeling guilty for my niece missing school. So I blocked her again and did my work in silence for a couple hours so I could calm my nerves. I didn’t go back to the group chat until 7pm and by the time I did I was in a rational state of mind.
My ‘mother’ is the one who has been doing the drop offs from my understanding and I’m not sure why she wasn’t able to today. But when I realized that this has been happening at least once a week for the last few weeks I put 2 and 2 together. I feel like my BM is slowly taking away days that she does drop offs as a way to force my little sister to step into the role. Which has always been her parenting style. She offers no context or conversation as a means for guiding her children in the right direction…she just assumes we can read her mind by deducing her behavior. I honestly think this is how I got so good at seeing the unseen. Unfortunately for her…my little sister thrives off of the art of misinterpretation. So if you don’t give direction…she will purposefully play lost right in your face. I took my assessment to the group but I have no idea if my ‘mother’ will take my advice and speak to her daughter. Either way it goes…I’m now done talking. I’ve never maintained this level of self-control in these situations and I’m sure everyone in the chat is just as shocked as I am. I finally accept that these people are not my responsibility and…I think I’m okay with that.
Love,
Choosy
