FreddyVsJason
These thoughts were triggered by an old habit…trying to die hard…
It’s the way I want to speak on what I want to speak on…with no regard for the consequences that I know I’ll receive afterwards. SeLF-CoNTroL is overrated…but it’s necessary. If anyone has read this blog in its entirety…you’re very aware that my mouth is big. If I’m being honest…you know that just by reading the posts from the last week. Will I feel a way if you agree? Of course I will. Either way…I talk…a lot. There have been times when my mouth has worked in my favor…but the majority of the time it’s done nothing but put me in uncomfortable situations. Because for as long as I can remember…I’ve always said the things that others won’t. It’s my thing. I remember going to a dentist appointment and asking questions that ‘normal’ people don’t have to ask. When I told my twin what I said…she had a look of disbelief on her face that confused me. Then…she asked me if I really said what I claimed I said out loud…to someone else. That was the first time I received insight into how differently my brain works. I’ve never seen an issue with saying the truth out loud and I’ve never had a problem asking questions so that I can get closer to a truth I’m trying to uncover. But that’s never really worked in my favor…with humans.
I’m not sure where my desire to be who I’m normally not came from, but over the last few weeks I’ve been opting to keep my mouth closed…instead of putting it on someone else. I still haven’t been back to the group chat, outside of asking them to ask my little sister to unblock me the other day. And honestly…this is the kind of mentally stable behavior that makes me check in with myself because…it goes against everything I stand for. I’ve had a handful of reasons to ‘bump my thumbs’ in the chat over the last couple weeks but I’ve known for a while that their triggers are intended to get those kinds of reactions out of me. When I’m triggered, using my tongue as a razor feels good but…my razor has two sides. So when I cut other people…if I’m not careful…I cut myself too. For me, being careful just means speaking from a place of love. I’m slowly learning that everything that ever has…and will ever…come out of my mouth is cutting because I speak the truth. But the karma hits differently depending on my delivery.
Earlier today, when trying to decide if I wanted to speak on animal sacrifices, car accident sacrifices, or sacrifices of family/close friends…the movie Friday the 13th came to my mind. Disclaimer: I’ve never seen this movie franchise because scary movies scare me. I looked up the synopsis and while reading I saw a link to the Freddy vs Jason spin off. My bipolar mind basically computed that Jason worked in the physical and Freddy worked in the mental. Both had the same job but one had to be on Earth in order for his type of work to work. The gift I have is mental so I identify more with Freddy…but I terrorize adults. The downside of this is I have to think my thoughts before I allow someone else to be cut by the words they produce. So if they’re negative that’s what I embody. Which means it benefits me more…to speak from a place of love. I wish I would’ve acknowledged this a few years ago but I was under the impression that beggars can be choosy. I say that because God has given me this lesson at least 5 times since I started bully begging in the group chats and every time…He tells me my words will hurt me more than it will hurt the other souls. I still risk it all though…just to find out He wasn’t bluffing. Now, I have more to lose than I used to so at this point…it’s love and light for these hoes.
Love,
Choosy
