EnergyVamp

These thoughts were triggered by calling out the imposter…responsible for my imposter syndrome…(SS below)…

I hate selfish people…with a passion. I think they get under my skin so much because they’re skilled at pretending to be the opposite and when I point the behavior out…I’m almost always called ‘crazy’. These energies are usually able to cosplay kind heartedness because they keep a kind heart around them…to copycat. The copy’n’paste isn’t because they have any desire to be selfless though…it’s just to trick those without eyes into believing they are. This kind of person is usually referred to as an energetic vampire and these personality types will suck the life out of the person next to them. Over time…a sickness develops in the kind hearted one. The sickness usually appears to have come out of the blue…and the energetic leech(es) will be gleefully oblivious to the part they played. An early death of the empathetic one typically comes next and the heartless one(s) waste no time playing victim because they always have to be the center of attention…even when the focus should be on someone else. This is what my ‘family’ wants for me but…I’m not goin’.

I sound like a conspiracy theorist? Not you name calling. But…if you watch reality tv…there’s a ‘family’ that just played this scenario out.

A couple years ago my twin told the group chat that she’s my niece’s favorite aunt. I had no desire to have that useless title but when she said it…it struck a nerve. Because all I could think about was how many times she’s allowed the connection she has with my niece to be cut. My little sister cuts it when she’s mad at my twin. And my twin cuts it when she’s mad at my little sister. I raise hell for the connection I have and never have I considered myself a ‘favorite’. So it looks like this title only means something to her…because it makes her feel like she’s better than me. Surprise surprise. I thought by now she would’ve felt enough shame from me calling this behavior out but my niece had her first performance of the season today and my twin was nowhere to be found. I knew her and my little sister weren’t speaking, and when this happens…my little sister withholds details about things like this so to avoid my twin missing the performance…I text her the information. But because going to the function didn’t give her the opportunity to siphon energy to feed the anger she currently feels for my niece’s mother…she opted out.

My twin has always claimed that her kind hearted nature is why she’s favored and always gets opportunities. In the past…I took her at her word. I convinced myself that because she was always able to help me out financially by letting me stay with her…she must be the one that God favored because why else would He put her in a better situation than me? The older I got…the more I realized that I shouldn’t judge God’s favor based on monetary status because that has nothing to do with the heart of a person. All my twin had to do was give an hour of her day to someone she claims favors her more. Instead, her heart allowed her to be selfish and make a situation meant to be about someone else…about herself. She’s addicted to energetically draining me like this so her behavior is on brand. It’s her loss though because my niece ate down and I won’t be sending her the videos because…I don’t reward toxicity. I just match its energy when I want to make a point.

Love,

Choosy