Motion
These thoughts were triggered by something chile…IDK…my thoughts are tired…
It’s almost a full moon my loves…so the rituals have begun. I should have known something was going on, solely based off of last week’s festivities, but I failed to smell the pre-game set up. They distracted me from anticipating their future trauma by inflicting present day trauma. Clever devils. Nonetheless, today I sent a handful of texts after discovering one of our ‘families’ more volatile generational curses is in full effect. For the privacy of those involved…I’ll keep the details to myself. But what I’m intentionally choosing to discuss is how a similar trauma trigger took place about a month before my biological dad passed. It happened right around another full moon and the toxic energy was ebbing and flowing. After this situation, I was left with no choice but to report what I witnessed to a higher authority and that resulted in one of the worst trigger rituals that has taken place over the last 3-4 years. This was a month long ritual that didn’t end until after my BD died…and both sides of my ‘family’ took turns at my psyche. (I managed to slice the ‘egoic arteries’ of all involved…all by my lonesome though.) That death encouraged empathy in the hearts of the Sanderson sisters and mercy was eventually shown. Fast forward to present day…and it looks like they are attempting to run the same play.
In this moment I am having to come to terms with a knowing that is going to force me to exhibit self-control. Because knowing what I know about the last time they successfully drove me crazy enough to disregard 99.3% of my decorum…is requiring me to acknowledge that God didn’t allow them to succeed in their attempt at having me completely self-destruct. And because I know all the angles that they will be energetically attacking me from…it is up to me whether I fall in the trap like I did the year before last..or get out of God’s way and let Him handle what He fully intends to handle anyway. It is hard for me to sit by and say nothing when I witness the kind of trauma transfers currently taking place but I also know that God has placed me in the position to be a buffer for the individuals in this situation who need it. So I’m almost positive He is asking me to fall back and just play the role He assigned to me. My ego takes offense but my soul is elated.
Trusting God has always come easy to me…in the times that I didn’t really need to trust Him. But during the times where I need to fully rely on Him…I usually start out like a squirrel who has just realized it is trapped in an enclosed space. My thoughts suggest I am panicked more than trusting and the distrustful part of my heart, that I think I’m hiding those thoughts in, is fully visible to My Father. So instead of showing up as a hypocrite to Him during another moon cycle…I’m going to trust that He has the final say in this situation. That belief is true whether I believe it or not but believing it makes my life a lot easier.
I’m now revisiting a technique I used in the past where I picture, in my mind, a situation that paralyzes me with fear. After I visualize the setting, I look around at all the individuals involved and take their power away by acknowledging that the only reason they are allowed to breathe is because ‘My Dad’ created that option for them. It’s Him that creates and it is also Him that has the final call on whether what He has created is destroyed. So while my ‘family’ is trying to incite the kind of fear that has immobilized me in the past…I’m about to enjoy the rest of my week with the understanding that God is the ‘Motion’. And nothing moves without His approval.
Love,
Choosy
