DisCarded
Barking at parked cars is a waste of energy…
The last full moon of the (calendar) year is here and over the last week there were a few fumbled moon rituals attempted on me but…I found the lesson and moved around. Which makes me feel…real grown. Over these last couple months, there’s been a slow build of emotions that I’ve been handling like Tetris blocks because I know if I don’t position them right…they’ll take the opportunity to play on my top. So I’ve been feeling…but not reacting. My lack of reaction is helping me tame my self-control and it’s giving me a better understanding of the souls inside the people who are sending the energy to me. Once I feel it…I’ve been asking God for guidance on how I’m supposed to handle it because leaning on my own understanding would cause crash outs that I can’t come back from. What’s He been guiding me to do? Curve hoes. I’m assuming that’s because when I don’t exchange my energy with the energy being sent my way…I get to keep mine. The moon ritual exchanges are needed for ‘feeders’ to feast…so I’m being taught how to starve them. What’s been the overall energy being sent to me? Botheredness…”the biggest…the largest”.
Over the last couple weeks my twin has been doing the Elf on the Shelf thing with my niece. It’s all my niece has been talking about and a few days ago she had the idea to get her elf a thank you gift. She said her and my twin had talked about doing it…but because I know my twin is the elf…I figured it would be nice to take my niece to the store to get the gift. We didn’t do too much because I still don’t fuc…it wasn’t necessary. I couldn’t think of any gift that would make sense to give to my twin and to an elf…but I knew it was going to have to be something that could be discarded. But I’m learning more and more that I have to be careful with how I word what I ask for. Eventually, I came up with a story about elves loving Starbucks drinks because “the ones with the foam make them look like they have a mustache like Santa”. My niece found my story acceptable enough to pretend to believe…so we got a gift card and a little trinket. I didn’t think anything else about it because it wasn’t that serious to me. And if I had a normal ‘family’…my twin would’ve seen it the same way.
Earlier today I dropped my niece off to my twin, because I refused to go out of my way to drop her off to my little sister. When I got there my twin text me saying she was wrapping the card in a plastic bag to give to me. She mentioned returning something else that I let her use so I figured auto correct corrected the other part of her sentence. I opened the bag when they pulled off and realized she was talking about the gift card we gave her…and got that eye twitch that always happens when my other half wants to come out. I sat in my car trying to figure out how toxic I wanted to be when I brought it to the chat but then…I remembered we’re in full moon energy. That realization allowed me to give gratitude for the fact that I now had fREe money to go get me my favorite Latte. And did. What’s crazy is how personal I would’ve taken this if it had happened a month ago. So personal that I would’ve fought my way into forgetting that I don’t even like people enough to go out of my way to be as bothered as they are.
Love,
Choosy
