CujosNCauldrons

Update: My twin replied to my ‘unchosen’ question by sending a gif of Porsha saying “Who said that?” And then said “Do some healing and it may make sense to you one day (Insert peace sign emoji here)”.

These thoughts were triggered by walking directly outside of the lines I talk on…

I fully accept that I’m a menace to my family. It’s not something I take pride in and the reasoning for my behavior still hasn’t changed. I’m the reactor…not the initiator. And today I was taken through another initiation. Ngl…my reactions still give unwavering support to the claims against my mental health…”hugely”. But in my defense…it’s a lot going on.

It hasn’t even been one calendar day ‘off the job’ and the f*ckery has already commenced. It’s looking like I went out of my way to be taken advantage of…again. And now I’m wishing I would’ve left my little sister to figure things out by herself. I have a bad habit of worrying that things won’t run smoothly unless my hand is somewhere in the mix when it comes to my little sister and my niece. Which is why I keep overstepping boundaries. This current overstep has me repeating my mistake of overextending myself again. I thought I had gotten through to the youngest of the Sanderson sisters but it turns out I was being set up…once again…for another trigger…by way of my overextension. The ‘I’m doing so much better than you in life’ trigger that was attempted by my twin yesterday, which was meant to make me go into a blind rage with envy, didn’t work like it used to so they went back to the cauldron. And in this coven…when all else fails…they use the children.

I was doing my best to trust that everything went smoothly with reassigning my little sister’s role back to her. But all day I’ve been getting signs to check in on them. I ignored my intuition until I couldn’t and when I asked my little sister to let my niece call me after I finished work…the initiation started. My niece’s tablet has suddenly gone back to being dead again so I was reduced to beg texting her mother. Annoying asf. In the past, these trigger attempts have always started out the same. One of them does something they know, from past experience, will make me act irrationally…I act irrationally, and they gaslight me into believing I overreacted and tell me I need to seek out the nearest therapist. If I walk away without giving the reaction they’re looking for…I’m then triggered with one of their children. Which is exactly what happened today (SSs below). I said before that they do rituals, meant to lower my vibration, so that they can easily drain my energy. And these attacks always happen within the span of the moon cycles…three days before and three days after. We’re within that time frame…and they’ve all summoned their inner Cujos.

These initiations always take place when I least expect them…even though my past experience suggests I should know better than to ever let my guard down. I thought providing a solution to the mobility issue that was present would be beneficial to everyone involved and didn’t expect for any issues to come from it. But the real issue is the fact that these people don’t want a solution to a problem they’re purposefully manufacturing. IMO, the plan has always been to inconvenience me to the point that I felt too worn down to do anything else. And when I found my way out of my ‘off girl era’…they had to figure out another way to drain my energy. Now they see that my reactions aren’t as bad as they used to be. (Yes, I remember what I said in the chat yesterday…my reactions used to be worse though.) I think the ‘improvement’ in my reactions hints to them that I’m finding my footing. Which is why the trips to the ‘gas’ station have increased.

Normally when I’m prevented from speaking with my niece, I’ve irrationally reacted to one of their purposeful triggers beforehand…which gives them the 'ability to plausibly deny my attempts to communicate with her. But today…they had to pull something out of their a** because I haven’t given them the rope to hang me with. So instead of allowing me to check in on my niece’s energy…I was gaslit into thinking I would be able to…and then ignored so that I could finally give them the reaction they’ve been fighting for. I declined their advances though.

Edit: I reacted. (SSs below) Yes, I know I’m still toxic…even though I claim to be on a healing journey. My toxicity is very clingy though.

Love,

Choosy