CamoCocks
Disclaimer: My apologies in advance if this post indicates that I’m spaced out…I was in my feelings when I wrote it.
These thoughts were triggered by grown up games…
I think developing PTSD from dating is a real thing and every time I allow myself to make eye contact with a man I find attractive, for longer than 3 seconds, mine kicks in. If I were to say I have genuine envy for happily married couples…that would be an overt understatement. Because these are the people who no longer have to subject themselves to questions like “what’s wrong with him/her”, “am I texting back too soon”, “should I be being this honest?, “can I block them without the fear of them texting from a random number?”, etc etc etc. The marrieds have the privilege of knowing who they’re with and make the conscious decision to grow with that person instead of returning to the wild…where the chameleons and cockroaches reside. At this point..I’m convinced these are the only two species left out here. The chameleons mimic your emotions to obstruct your view of who they really are. And the cockroaches invite themselves into your psyche and fixate on feeding off the trash they find…but as soon as you shine a light on their behavior they scatter.
In order to be a chameleon you have to have enough self-awareness to know that showing the real you would be a turn off to whoever you’re dating. This awareness could foster a beautiful relationship, if it was used for good, but the objective of most chameleons is to do as little as possible in order to have someone stroke…their ego. It’s always crazy to me how someone can put so much effort into being who they aren’t…until I think back on how I perfected this in my past life relationships. I knew what was expected of me, in order to become the ‘main’, and instead of admitting that some of these expectations had me feeling like someone I wasn’t…I pretended I was okay pretending to be someone else. And I did this in order to receive regular strokes…to my own ego. But this behavior is only sustainable for short periods of time. So it’s usually the go to disguise for singles who prefer casual sex over commitment.
The cockroaches also thrive off of being undetected but they manage to stay around longer because they’re quick. They help themselves to the lowest parts of you because it’s easier than crawling higher for the good stuff. This species takes their time getting into the crevices of your mind, that are the hardest to reach, and once they find their way in…they spread their seeds like a m’er f’er. Making it virtually impossible for you to leave without taking some of them with you. If either of these options finds you in a vulnerable state, the emotional damage that can be created is enough to make a person second guess any future dating options. I feel like most single people have experienced both breeds, at some point in their dating life, so now everyone has either gotten comfortable playing games…or have forced themselves to be comfortable with the absence of a warm…body to lay beside. Either way, I’m now terrified. No one shows their hand before they have to…so the potential of time being wasted is always on the table. And right now…my fear of a disguised cock entering my…energetic field is making me turn my head. Even when I’m interested in what I see.
Love,
Choosy
