BackBend

These thoughts were triggered by my naivety…

I promise I’m not making this sh*t up. And if I had to use my imagination to come up with a ‘creative' story about a toxic family dynamic…I damn sure wouldn’t cast myself as the target of that toxicity. Today…was a lot. This was the day of my niece’s latest milestone and from my understanding…all the logistics had been worked out by her mother. I was supposed to get to the designated location at a specified time, to show my support, and go about my business afterwards. Show of hands if you think the plans weren’t changed at the last minute…forcing me to stop work so that I could be the one to get my niece to where she was supposed to be…and sit in a shadeless parking lot, after the celebration, for two hours because the location was too far away from my house…in a car that only blows hot air from it’s vents when I’m not sitting in the shade…so that I could finish the work that I was trying to get done…before I was told at the last minute that the plans had been changed…but after cotton mouthing and anxiety sweating through the milestone that took place in public. If your hand is raised…we clearly drink from the same ‘cup half full’…of delusional hope.

As soon as my little sister text me telling me my womb donor had backed out of taking my niece to this function…I asked myself when the new moon is this month. It’s this Sunday…4/4/24…surprise surprise. The energy surrounding new and full moons is present three days before and three days after. So any rituals being attempted are usually done within that time frame. At this point…I don’t know any other language to say this in…I WAS BORN INTO A FAMILY OF WITCHES/WARLOCKS…who attempt to feed off my energy every moon cycle. If there is anyone who has any other explanation for why they keep trying to trigger me around these times…I’m all eyes. But as it stands now…they’re putting me in positions meant to trigger irrational reactions from me in order to lower my vibration. If it’s not that…then they’re desperately trying to trigger the same self-mutilating manic reaction that they haven’t been able to get out of me for 23 years. Either way, they’re getting sloppy with it now…but the attempts are still being attempted.

I did what I needed to do for my niece because when I saw the sadness in her eyes, after I asked my little sister to have her call me on FaceTime, I couldn’t not show up for her. To make matters worse…my twin put my little sister out of her house this morning after an argument. So not only was my niece pretending not to be sad about possibly missing her milestone…she was also aware that they just got kicked out of their living space. I wanted to hurl all kinds of volatile insults at my little sister after seeing my niece force a fake smile…but she looked so helpless that I couldn’t. I just waited…and hurled the insults at my twin instead when I saw her some hours later. I honestly couldn’t find any other outlet to alleviate my stress so I roasted her on the side of the street. She did what she does best and ‘crazied up’ my words, that bullied the bully she’s become accustomed to being, by calling me ‘bipolar’. Because in this ‘family’…when all else fails…remind the person being forced to clean up familial spilt milk…purposefully being spilled…of their mentally instability. Goof Troops.

Full Disclosure: I went back to the group chat to address my ‘mother’ again. Then my little sister asked me to go pick up some stuff from my twin’s place, so I had to be the middle (wo)man…even though I don’t f*ck with either of them. (SSs below) I still hate these hoes.

Love,

Choosy