AltāredReality

Disclaimer X: Pearls will be clutched by the religiously inclined.

Disclaimer Y: Long post.

Disclaimer Z: I’m more sarcastic than usual. Bear with me.

These thoughts were triggered by showing respect…

My fingers are exhausted. I’ve been tapping on my phone screen all day and at this point they’re losing sensation. The recent trigger attempts are filling me with the compulsion to use my actual voice to scream as loud as it allows me to but I’m settling for screaming through caps lock and exclamation points in the chat…as usual. I started my day, like any respectable ‘bipolar’ person…anxious to exact revenge on my bloodsucking bloodline, by way of trolling. I had to go back and forth between both chats because I don’t feel like making another one that includes my little sister’s new number. So I’ve been double fis…vacillating between chats all day. A lot was said but I’m choosing not to show the bare back of my toxicity…because I’m trying to appear “classy based”. Instead I’m cherry picking one of the truths I spoke on. It’s a truth that I felt I knew for a while but discarded until earlier.

CAUTION: If discussions about spiritual practices induce ‘judgement jitters’ in you…please ask yourself if eating flesh and drinking blood sounds like some kind of ritual. Then ask yourself if your faith requires you to engage in behavior that imitates these acts. Then…leave your judgement, for what I’m about to type, outside…and take your shoes off too.

Altars are used for many things but at the root…they’re used to show respect to one energy or another. I’ve heard good and bad stories about engaging in this kind of spiritual practice but there are good and bad stories about engaging in religious practices too so I wasn’t scared away. I’ve spoken about giving ‘regular’ respect to my Ancestors and one way I do that is by dedicating an altar to them. I know every ‘religious’ person just shart themselves but there are more ways to worship than going inside a building to give your money to a man in hopes of earning more money as a result of your contribution…I promise. I won’t speak too much on my beliefs because what works for me might not work for anyone else. But I will say I give respect to those who came before me because that is who God ordained to assist with guiding my steps. A while ago, I got a feeling that my twin had an altar too. I’m very fluent in hypocrisy so finding issues with the thought of her having one and not with me actually having one came naturally. I justified my bias with behavior though. Because only one of us has pretended not to be associated with spirituality. And only one of us has gone out their way to indict the mentality of the other with illness. A heart that lies so freely can’t be connected to high vibrational energies.

Today, after my wombmate sent me a few clown emojis in ‘The Chosen Clown’ chat…I asked her what she gets out of antagonizing someone she feels is so mentally ill. While texting, my memory recalled my suspicions of her ‘altar calls’ and I put it in the chat. She didn’t deny it so I drove my clown car to the bigger chat and told them to ask the person claiming not to be associated with spirituality…why she has an altar. (SS below) My twin came behind me to detail the ‘Ancestors’, who have passed away in our family, that her altar is dedicated to honoring. I’m of the unwavering belief that all of these people possessed evil spirits but…I can’t prove it. It goes without saying that I don’t claim any of these ‘Ancestors’…but I felt the need to say it anyway. What’s crazy is I didn’t know any of the details about her altar that she told the chat and didn’t care for her to dive deeper because my point was made. Ngl...the ‘doll’ part blew me. Draw your own conclusions though.

After exposing my twin’s hypocrisy, I called my brother out for not allowing me to talk to his kids for their birthday, expressed my frustration with being blocked from talking to my niece after refusing to get her mother another rental car and made more logical connections between our current realities and our toxic upbringing. Then…I got a call from my brother’s kids. Their distant disposition was to be expected, given the three year hiatus, but I still had a hard time smoothing out my voice cracks. The realization that there were two familiar strangers on my line was ‘tew merch’. I can never ignore a room filled with pretty round elephants so I spoke on the palpable awkwardness. Then I expressed my overwhelming appreciation for the ability to be able to give my well wishes, and ended the suffering of these teens from their insufferable aunt…who forgot how annoying it is, at their age, to make small talk with adults you don’t really know.

I text my brother and told him thank you and he responded with “No problem”. Ngl…about an hour before that call I broke down in tears asking God how much longer I was going to have to go through what I’m currently experiencing. My body clearly needed to let out the cry I had been holding in and after I wiped the last tear my sense of reality shifted. I felt more energized and while making a salad I got the call. That made me feel like my text-a-thon earlier today was worth the trouble because I honestly feel like my brother took pity on me after my twin showed her hand. My first instinct was to take time to give thanks to God and my Guides for directing my steps that led to my reintroduction to kids I’ve been missing for years. And I gave my respects in a way that makes sense to me.

Love,

Choosy