ThirtyAte
These thoughts were triggered by my appreciation for God allowing me to see another year of life…
It’s my birthday bish! Aside from having 1 family member left, no friends, and no ‘my man her man our man’…I’m still settled into my stability. I know the plan of my bitter bloodline was to have me too distraught to bring this new year in with gratitude but…I gratefully entered year ThirtyAte. Coming out on the other end of what I could’ve easily succumbed to is worth the smile I’ve had on my face all day. My little sister finally came off her broomstick and decided to answer my party question yesterday…4 days after I initially asked. So I’ve had a few more reasons to smile. The horde didn’t get the psychotic response I assume they were looking for from me so she wrote me back as if their manic trigger hadn’t even been attempted…like she always does. I wholeheartedly…hate these hoes. The bright side is I was allowed to spend time with my niece today and that allowed me to forget what it took to get me to that point. I already had every intention of spending my day with my peace of mind and I accomplished my goal. The bitters gave their best attempt to have me sitting in fear but after giving my fear to God…all I was left with was the opportunity to exercise self-control. And did.
With a ‘family’ like mine…I literally have no need for enemies and that is another reason to celebrate this new year because a lot of people don’t make it out of experiences like mine. Some people are fortunate enough to have enemies that they can escape…I’m tethered to mine through my love for a child. This past year was another one they spent coming at me from every angle imaginable using the bond I have with her as their shield…and ironically…I’m doing better this year than last. This time last year I was committed to acting erratically in the chats, on and off with my workout routine and settling for working solely for someone else. I’m coming into this new year of life still a little erratic…but fully committed to my health and building my own brand. The growth I’ve reached through remaining committed to myself gives me the kind of happiness that reinforces my self-love. This commitment is a really big deal and I’m grateful I haven’t decided to break up with myself.
I committed to myself amid circumstances meant to make me fold and I owe the majority of my success to my Source. I’ve said before that if I was doing this by myself I would have given up a long time ago. Still a true story. So I’m choosing to pay my respects in gratitude today. Gratitude not only for God giving me the ability to overcome man made obstacles…but also for the disappearance of most of my self-doubt. 0-37 was filled with me second guessing whether or not I had the right to remove myself from tables I wasn’t comfortable eating at. But ThirtyAte will be filled with me scrapping my plate at a table where I know that I’m loved…in the company of my Mother (Nature), Father (God), and Friends (Ancestors). God and my Spiritual team are the ones who pulled me out of the toxic situations that I kept sinking deeper and deeper into because I refused to stop leaning on my own understanding. I want this year of my life to be filled with leaning on the knowing that I know nothing…and I don’t have to because They know all. I’m ethereally grateful to be sane enough to see that God doesn’t think I’m too ‘crazy’ to continue Guiding my steps. That’s the kind of gift that can’t be bought and it’s the best one I’ve ever received.
Love,
Choosy
