SwapOut

These thoughts were triggered by finally listening to my intuition…before the downward spiral…

I passed this ritual. And the fact that this feeling feels different than any I’ve felt before, lets me know this is the first time I didn’t fail.

I started the day off drowsy because I decided to stay up well past midnight…laughing at my phone screen. So by the time I made my way to the Sanderson sister chat this morning, I was only interested in getting in and getting out. I was annoyed that I still haven’t talked to my niece so I text my little sister with hopes of bridging the gap. That went left, right away, and I ended up giving her words of encouraging discouragement for her current behavior. The words I spoke were meant to challenge her ‘hand out’ mentality because it took me years to outgrow mine as a result of never hearing them. I used to give the same ‘woe is me’ comebacks that my little sister tried giving me and because I’m working on my delivery, I was able to call her out in a way that motivated her…while making her feel dumb at the same time. Balance…is the ingredient I was missing. She still gaslit me until she ran out of fuel but by the time I was done she muted herself. My twin then turned her volume all the way up and instead of trying to turn her down…my intuition told me to just cut her off.

I’ve known for a while that the quickest way to get me enraged, when I care about you, is to ignore me. Feeling discarded by someone I love is torture and it’s also an effective way to get someone who isn’t in control of their emotions…to show their sociopathic spectrum. I feel like that switch was finally flipped off yesterday though after saying a heartfelt prayer to God, asking for a reversal of any destiny swap energy over my life. Someone told me I’m supposed to pray this prayer for 7 days straight and I will…but the results showed up early. I had not one desire to outwit my twin today so I just let her have it. And she lost her damn mind. This girl could barely handle my refusal not to engage with her, but verbalizing my decision not to read any of the 7-10 texts that she sent…sent her. I would screenshot her conversation but I really don’t know what she said and I have no desire to upload words, from a twinemy, that I haven’t laid eyes on. So they’ll remain unseen by all. Before her rant, I told her I no longer have any need to entertain her now that her broomstick has been fully realized. After that the most she got from me was “poor baby” accompanied by memes that referenced blindness. Then…I silenced my notifications and tended to myself.

After I finished my yoga I realized that she’s displaying all the same behaviors that I’ve been displaying when I couldn’t control my own feelings of rejection. It’s crazy that when I exhibited this behavior, she referred to me as “Kanye West Jr”…but when she displays this behavior, I get asked why I’m not responding to her ‘valid points’ by my little sister who was the first to fail at getting me to lower my vibration today. And that’s when I was reminded, yet again, that answered prayers don’t come with a magical wand. When I ask God for something, He never hands it over in a silver spoon held by Him. He makes me hold the spoon so that I have the opportunity to learn how to feed myself whatever it is I prayed for. Simply put…I have to do the work. So when I asked for the destiny swap reversal…I was really asking for Him to provide me with more opportunities to regain my self-control. Unfortunately for my twin, she was my target practice. Empaths take on the energy of others so ingesting her words would have led to me taking on whatever energy she was in when she lost control today…aka a swap out…leading to my own loss of control. I politely declined.

After making my final exit from the chat she sent 5 more texts…that I didn’t read. IMO…a transference of energy is all a ‘destiny swap’ really is. If the transference is done enough…you embody energy that belongs to someone else which gives you someone else’s destiny. So today…my energy stayed with me…and her energy stayed with her. Because at the end of the day…I just want what’s mine.

Love,

Choosy