PsychePsychic
“I’m the one every time you can bet that”…
The ‘family’ dynamic is still giving dysfunctional and…I called it. These last few days have been filled with my appreciation for the fact that I’ve been able to alchemize the energy from the Goof Troops into something positive. The 19th marked a year of showing what that looks like for me…to strangers on the internet. I know I stick to what I set my mind on…if my heart is in it…so I’m not surprised I didn’t quit this project…a third time. And I’m glad I didn’t because I’ve been able to document that everything I told my ‘family’ would happen…is happening. Every issue I addressed that they gaslit me on…they now have to accept as truth instead of blaming my perception on my ‘biPOlaRism’. Which means…every lie they tried to have everyone believe I was telling…now has them looking like liars. It took 4 years to get to this point…and there hasn’t been one apology offered to me. I feel like the FB posts I did have ruined any chance of me ever receiving one. But I also feel like I would’ve never gotten one even if that didn’t happen because I was born into a bloodline that acknowledges their wrongs…by changing the subject.
I’m in love with the fact that I’m right…but I hate the fact that I’m right about the wrong thing. Because me being right about how not addressing our generational curses will negatively impact the younger generation is not a win. It means we took too long to come together as a unit…which means we’re star players in the childhood trauma of more innocent souls. The only silver lining in the situation currently playing out with my niece is the competitiveness now being brought out by my ‘family’. I’m still being the TiTi that I’ve always been but now the way I aunt is being shown to my twin and BM because of the new living arrangements. So it looks like they’re now trying to raise the bar on who does the most for my niece. And I’m on exactly what they’re on because now that I see their angle…I want my niece to get as much as she can out the situation. Before…I did what I did because I knew the long term benefits of my behavior on her psyche. But now I pick her up with the ‘soul’ intention of having her go back to detail how much fun we had because whether they want to acknowledge it or not…I’m motivating them to step their standard up.
For a while I kept telling myself that I just read their behavior and that’s how I knew what was going to happen next. I always looked at psychics as mind readers who can see the future and I didn’t think that’s what I’ve been doing. But nigg…bruh. I really have been reading their minds and seeing into the future. I’ve just been dealing with Grade A Gassers who have been making me doubt that the truth I know I see…is actually what it is. Which is making me wonder what I saw as a teenager that made me use a razor to do arts and crafts on my forearm. It annoys me that so many kids are taken to therapy to find out what’s wrong with them…as opposed to being taken to find out what’s wrong with whoever is raising them. But my ‘family’ is the best example I can give to win the argument for why this should be a thing. All I keep thinking about is how much progress we could’ve made in these 4 years if we did this the right way. Then I realize that they never expected me to make it this far. So it’s pointless to wonder about progress among a group of people who fought to seal my fate in a box of bipolar. Meanwhile back at the ranch…it always gave psychic.
Love,
Choosy
