PointGuard

These thoughts were triggered by centering myself…

I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed with emotions yesterday and I wasn’t sure how I’d recover. I broke something in my apartment that I couldn’t fix…right before I needed to use it…and it honestly felt like the end of an era. My DVD player stopped playing…and I couldn’t think straight for a second. I had just talked myself into doing my new Yoga ‘practice’, after my midday nap, and while getting a pre-workout snack in (very necessary)…the menu screen froze. When I put the DVD back in, after blowing hot air on its back(IYKYK), it kept saying ‘Disc error’. I sat there for a good 5 minutes…pressing the open/close button over and over and over again but it still wouldn’t play. At first I thought it was the DVD and I told myself I’d just go back to Goodwill and get another one because I saw more the last time I was there. But after testing to see if another DVD would give the same error…I realized accidentally dropping the DVD player, earlier that day, is probably what helped seal its fate. I can’t even. I felt a sting of annoyance while trying to figure out if I was finally going to have to convert over to streaming my workouts because being in the year 2024 suggested to me that DVD players had been discontinued. And after looking at all the stacks of DVDs I have at the top of my niece’s toy closet…I almost shed a tear.

I had already changed into my Yoga fit so I told myself I didn’t have the option of reneging on my decision to stay committed to my routine. With all the continued weirdness taking place in the ‘community’ I reside…I knew brushing off my schedule would just lead to me sulking in a bed full of fear. So I loved on myself by loving myself enough to find another way for me to get what I needed…i.e turning my tablet on and doing Youtube Yoga. I found a routine that was nowhere near as challenging as the DVD I’m currently doing but it was everything I needed. The poses helped me release tension I didn’t even know was there until those pressure points were tapped into and by the end of it my whole body felt relaxed. This is the part where I give gratitude for being so absentmindedly aligned with my needs. Because I had no idea how much I needed to do the kind of Yoga that is centered around (re)centering my chakras but my energy was drawn to this routine and I listened. Afterwards, I felt weightless.

I wish I could say this is the kind of Yoga I prefer, over the kind my body is now accustomed to doing but…it is not. So today I went to see if DVD players had gone extinct in the stores. I found one! And irrespective of how dated my preference is…guess who walked up to the self check out with a smile? Me…It was me…I wAS tHe ONe sMiLIng. I got home, tethered my devices together, and trembled my way through the routine that I hadn’t done in a few days. I know I may not always notice in the moment…but forcing myself to exert the level of physical control needed to get through these movements…is subliminally teaching my psyche how to do the same on an emotional level. I’ve been hit with a lot of things in my environment lately, meant to ante my anxiety up…and I’m still relatively calm. When I wasn’t committed to keeping myself grounded…I kept getting tricked out of this position. But…I’ve been getting better at accepting what I can and can’t control. As much as I’d like to pretend I’ve achieved full acceptance on all levels…I’m still slooooowly coming to terms with the fact that what I can’t control is none of my business…no matter how much I secretly want it to be.

Full-Gemini-Disclosure: My official attempt at acceptance came after an all night drum session, leaving a very long, detailed voicemail with the investment group this morning, and sending another email airing my frustration to the manager who I assume took the day off. Outside of that..I fully accept all the things.

Love,

Choosy