GrowingPains
These thoughts were triggered by witnessing a lack of accountability…allegedly…
I have a new obsession with watching body cam cop videos on Youtube. I think I’m so drawn to them because they represent real life reality instead of the scripted kind. I have watched hundreds at this point and whenever I watch I’m always looking at the behavioral patterns of the people who end up in handcuffs. The arrests usually aren’t that emotionally deep so a majority of the time I just walk away entertained by what seems to be a large group of people who beg to be taken to jail by their refusal to see the opportunities the cops give them not to go. It’s so weird. Today I stumbled across a video of a young African-American man (18 y/o) who was taken to jail on a few charges and this is the first video that has been hard for me to watch. If for no other reason than the maternal misguidance, I assume took place in his childhood, that left this young man with no other option but to find himself in the circumstances he was in. The altercation that led to the cops being called involved a dispute between him and his sister and they were arguing over ‘gas’. It seemed like the dumbest reason to argue at 4am and I almost clicked off the video. Something told me to keep watching and after I heard both sides…my heart hurt for this man.
The video starts out with an overly emotional mother opening the door for the cops with A GUN IN HER HAND. She was in the hallway and her son was directly across from her in the kitchen. I’m assuming the gun was used as a tool to diffuse his anger. Chile. That was the biggest indication that this young man was not raised in an environment that taught him to control his emotions. Fast forward to the sibling interrogations and it is discovered that the sister induced the young man’s anger by disrespecting him when she threw his property on the ground in front of someone else. That started the fight and the end result was the mother calling the police, 14 hours later, after she told the young man he had to get out of her house and find somewhere else to live. She, like many other black mothers who fail to raise their children but then send them into the world expecting for them to magically figure out how to adult, seems to have perfected being the ‘victim villain’. Her daughter didn’t fall far from that tree. The young man on the other hand was truthful and took 100% accountability for his actions…even though his honesty led to his arrest.
When I watched, all I could think about were the men I’ve dealt with who had similar anger issues and stayed with me more nights than they should have because they weren’t taught how to adult either. My go to when I was mad was also to kick them out of my space and play the victim…like the mom. These men never two pieced me, like the brother, but my disrespect has led to that in a previous relationship. Don’t @ me. When I saw the video of the young man, I saw the genesis for the behavior of the men I’ve dealt with. They were raised by/around blame shifting women and grew up and attracted a similar woman…me. The sister played victim even though she was the one who initiated the issue and her attitude was trash…but there were no consequences for her actions. The mother played victim even though she was the one who raised two young adults…arguing over weed at 4am, who needed to rely on her for housing when they came of age…but no one held her accountable for her inability to raise fully functioning adults.
The only one held accountable was the young man who was holding himself accountable and that infuriated me because it spoke to the socially acceptable ‘separationist’ behavior I see being displayed all throughout social media. This accountability imbalance is contributing to these young men begging to be with anyone who does not remind them of their mothers/sisters. For a while, black women were escaping our punishments for refusing to be held accountable…until our men started preferring other races/cultures. And now…the great divide has deepened with the increase of ‘relationship advice’ podcasts. Advice that is being championed by ‘the blind and the bitter’ so everyone is losing. I have to hold myself accountable too though because I also grew up contributing to this divide with my own ‘victim mentality’. Which helps me appreciate this ‘single season’ that much more because even though I can’t go back and correct my mistakes, with what I’m now learning, I can at least try to make sure my niece(s) know better.
Love,
Choosy
