FeelMeUp
These thoughts were triggered by my need for an ‘attitudinal adjustment’…
I finally figured out the plot of this Sanderson sister set-up and I’m a little annoyed it took me so long to get to the root of this trigger. I fell asleep last night feeling energetically drained after not being able to rest my eyes until 3 am. I kept feeling the remorse associated with my lack of self-control which led me to start envisioning how my niece was going to feel if my little sister carried through with her threat. These visions eventually led to anger and it took me a minute to accept its source. I didn’t want to admit it at first but my anger came from acknowledging that I allowed my ego to prevent me from keeping my lips together…even after being given the opportunity to curb my cattiness by my little sister. I was mad because this is a lesson God has given me before and it annoyed me that I’m still putting my need for instant gratification over the emotional well being of a child who is innocent in this situation. That humbled me enough to recall my knowing that I would’ve been a baby momma from hell too…if I had children at the age my younger sister is. I’m pushing forty and I’m just starting to get a grip on the kind of self-control needed to qualify me as an adult.
When I woke up this morning, I still felt weighted by the communication breakdown. But I didn’t give this energy my undivided attention until I raised my vibration high enough to go back over my reaction in a way that benefited my psyche. After reaching my higher self through laughter… invoked by watching emotionally intelligent stand up comedy..I reassessed how yesterday’s reckless reaction forced me to hold myself accountable. That accountability showed me that I still care more about winning the argument than taming my ego. Which makes me a hypocrite…and no better than the people I keep complaining about. After I accepted this uncomfortable truth, accepting the punishment attached to my ego trip didn’t feel as depressing. These are the parts of my journey that remind me why ‘God is still working on me’ and after sitting in that gratitude…I felt guided to send the chat a text letting them know that God is the only reason they haven’t been successful at driving me crazy. If I was doing this alone…my mind would’ve left me a long time ago.
Much to my surprise, I only sent the one text before carrying on with my day. A few hours after sending it, I went shopping for the kind of outfits my niece will need in her classes because my intuition told me to. On my way back home I got a FaceTime call from her asking the when/what/how for her class and I immediately felt dumb for feeding into the schemes of the Sanderson’s. I talked to my niece for a few minutes and after I got off the call God reintroduced me to a lesson I keep failing to learn. **Don’t disturb my peace by feeling the idea of a loss before the perceived loss actually happens. In regards to this last trigger…I felt all the discomfort associated with my fears for being the cause of my niece missing her first day of class…before that fear actually materialized. That’s when I realized that these ‘women’ have no interest in making good on their threats. Their intention is just to get my energy to feel as if the threat will happen because whatever I put effort into feeling is what I will attract in my reality…eventually. (Law of Attraction) I unknowingly blocked their trigger attempt by following a shopping instinct that allowed me to feel as if everything was going to work out. Which led to my reality reflecting back to me…everything working out.
Love,
Choosy
