Bruh

These thoughts were…yea yea yea…I’m bothered…

This is exactly what I get for having those abortions. I honestly thought I was getting over on my ‘mother’s’ nature by refusing to extend her bloodline. But she infected the mind of her youngest child to the point that I still feel like I had children. I mentioned my thoughts of calling CPS in my last post and…I honestly need to stop writing these when I’m mad because I say my quiet thoughts out loud. I ended up changing my mind at 12:27 this morning and text my niece’s other aunt telling her I would take my niece to school. I would pretend my decision was based on my own desires but honestly speaking…I don’t have the energy to tussle with God. I fought the decision…until He reminded me that my choice to have abortions…didn’t absolve me from my duties of being there for children who may need what I can offer. So I swallowed my spite and got up at the a** crack of dawn again to get the only innocent one in this situation.

I won’t not bring up the fact that I was kept waiting outside for 7 minutes. Even after I purposely went out my way to text my little sister before I pulled up to a house that had 4 cars in the driveway. No comment. Fortunately…as soon as my niece got in the car and started catching me up on her week…all my frustration went away. I know I complain about how ruthless the banshees in my ‘family’ are…but by some stroke of luck…my niece is the most well rounded child I know. But even with me acknowledging how lovable she is…she’s still being exposed to things that could negatively affect her in her adulthood. Which is why I’m so overprotective of her childhood. We take for granted the fact that kids are so resilient and I honestly feel like that sentiment is a big bag of bull sh*t. Kids aren’t resilient because they want to be…they’re resilient because we give them no other choice. And if they make it into adulthood with no obvious signs of wear and tear…we pretend they were parented well.

The pretending that we do is the exact reason why so many adults are walking around delusional to who they truly are. I don’t know if it’s something in the air…but from what I’ve been seeing on my timeline…characteristic traits that were once well hidden are now out in the open…for those who choose to see. I’m doing my best to keep my composure when addressing the delusions of my ‘family’ because I don’t want to send myself on a week long text tangent like I used to do. So today…I only sent one text. (SS below) I feel like the stress I used to be under from having so much work on my plate, while being put in the position of taking on the responsibilities of my sister, is what aided in my relentless ranting. But I have a lot more free time than I used to thanks to the changes in my workflow. This change allowed me to take my niece to school, get all my work done before noon, pick her back up and let her to talk me into taking a trip to buy another overpriced tumbler.

Now…I’m about to go get some top tier ‘brain’ to balance out my energy. What do I mean by that? I’m about to watch ‘emotionally intelligent’ content that stimulates my intellect…nasty.

Love,

Choosy