Beggars
It’s always a joke until I want to laugh too…
There was no response from my leasing office…even though they weren’t closed for the holiday. The last time the manager drug his feet with a response…I wasn’t the nicest and I’m assuming the same reaction is expected now. After my last renter rant, I ended up finding out that they have 24 business hours to respond…so repeating past behavior doesn’t make sense. Now I have the ability to control myself? I always do…when I know there’s real consequences to my actions. I already know I’m not liked by management…or by corporate…so making my life harder by expressing what feels like a natural reaction to agitation…isn’t the hill I felt like dying on today. I’ll just wait to see if anything is said tomorrow because…I really don’t have any other choice. I was doing a good job keeping my composure throughout the day and I almost made it into tonight without my attitude birthing an attitude but…my ‘family’ couldn’t let a day go by without throwing rocks and magically losing their voices when I pick up a boulder. (SSs below)
I made a conscious decision not to text the chat today because I didn’t feel like being the source of my own irritation. I did my normal work routine, left to get my niece, and came back home to finish work that still needed to be done. I told my niece that she had to do her homework at my apartment…instead of using all my dishes to make projects with her slime like she was expecting to do. While we were both doing our work…my older brother came out of hiding and sent a random text. His go-to has always been to insert something random in the chat that does nothing to push the conversation, I’ve been having with myself, forward because I always react. But today I saw what he was trying to do and decided not to respond. Then my twin followed him up by saying words that seemed normal…but were taken abnormally because I was already mad that I wasted energy trying to be the bigger person with my brother. So…they got a reaction.
It honestly annoys me that I’ve spent so much time agitating them because now we’re stuck in this tit for tat cycle. None of us will ever let go of all the words that have been said over the years because…we’re toxic. And I’m kind of addicted to going past wherever they decide to take it. I already knew this week was going to be filled with a lot of ‘day job’ work but I didn’t say anything because I have proof that I’m able to get everything done if I focus my attention. Which is what I was planning on doing until I realized…they really do have me f*cked up. So instead of trying to speed through my work to play pick up…I’m allowing the ones who suggest I do more…to do what I already do. Did I give my ‘family’ the residual energy from my decision not to react to the leasing office? Kind of. Both sides earned a reaction. But only one side begged me for the one they got. So I’m still not learning my lesson? $%&@#!!$%%^@!&$!
Love,
Choosy
