NurturedByNature

These thoughts were triggered by a walk through the park…

I took a much needed stroll through one of my Mother’s Gardens today. Full Disclosure: God revealed to me the heart of a female that I’ve admired for a while and its insides appear to be filled with undercover opp’ery. Snip snip. The trail of nature I frequent is a part of my therapeutic process so I went to have a session with my shrink to get over the frustration of wasting my support on another ‘egoic’ narc. I have always felt an intense connection to the authenticity of all things outside because it’s the only environment on this Planet that takes full dominion over its existence. The birds aren’t asking other birds for a lift, the blades of grass aren’t asking other blades to stay down so they can come up, and the squirrels aren’t out there asking for nut assistance. Everything is naturally autonomous and nothing is led by ego. If I could describe my own version of a Utopia…it would include my ability to embody this kind of energy…24/7.

But I’m not fully there yet so walking through nature allows me to rub shoulders with energy I desperately want to be associated with. While walking the handful of miles to the finish line, my eyes always fixate on the discarded trash that abundantly ‘egoic’ individuals can’t be bothered to place in the 20+ trash cans scattered along the trail. My inability to ignore the litter I’m compelled to pick up, reinforces my constant awareness that I belong to a species filled with individuals who expect others to clean up their mess. And what’s more frustrating than their complete disregard for taking responsibility for their own trash is the fact that there are individuals in this world who have to clean it up for them. There’s a lot of scenarios where cleaning up after someone is necessary but having to do so for an individual who expects someone else to do it for them makes my ‘a double s’ itch. There’s a certain level of entitlement surrounding this behavior that only humans possess and it’s annoying.

I have had many moments of entitlement throughout my life, some more recent than others, and the older I get the more I realize that no one is required to do for me what I can do for myself. Especially since God has strategically placed opportunities on my path specifically designed to help me…help me. But I didn’t always recognize these opportunities for what they were because in order for me to get to them…I had to step off the path I was comfortable walking. Before I recognized the blessing that lies in having the privilege of doing it on my own…I made excuses for why I should allow somebody else to do it for me. And God sat back and watched me take my abilities for granted. After a while, He put me on a trail with no ‘trashcans’ and made me carry the trash I was once comfortable forcing someone else to pick up.

I spent a long time complaining about how hard it is to carry what I am now required to hold before realizing that God is just trying to remind me of what I’m capable of. And with this realization, God has now started reintroducing ‘opportunities’ for me to use my own hands to clean up my own mess. Because if nature shows us anything…it’s that God’s intention is for His Creations to have full dominion over our existence. When we take our gift of autonomy for granted…He creates situations where we have no other choice but to hold our own. When we see this as the ‘blessing’ it is…we realign with our intended nature.

Clarification: The ‘trash’ I’m referring to is unhealed trauma…and the ‘trashcan’ is shadow work.

Love,

Choosy