Gawkers
These thoughts were triggered by my impatience…
I almost did too much today. Usually when I feel like everything is out of my control, I start searching for ways to regain it. This almost had me calling the investment group that bought the complex I live at a couple years ago and leaving a detailed message about what I’m experiencing right now. I called them by mistake last week when the leasing office didn’t respond to my initial request about the camera because I thought they were corporate. I left a voicemail that was transcribed to text and sent to the corporate liaison that called me…’soundedly’ annoyed by the fact that I had called the other number. He made sure to put emphasis on the fact that I called their investment group and gave me his email in case I ever have issues in the future. This let me know that me leaving them a voicemail saying “I’m having issues with the leasing office” was a source of irritation for him. And because I’m irritated by the camera that is still hanging from the ceiling, the never closing blinds and the covert camera masquerading as a doorbell that was removed…I want to pay this feeling forward. The only thing that stopped me from making the call is the fact that I already agreed to wait until the “meeting” happens to find out if the spyware will be repositioned.
I’m honestly annoyed that I’m more annoyed than angry right now. I really feel like I should be living up to my ‘diagnosis’ by having a real manic attack…but I’m too self-aware for me to pretend I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve known for forever that I’m not lying about what I experience but seeing the truth unfold for others to finally have to acknowledge…is taking me back to the frustration I had when my ‘family’ ignored that prophecy coming true. These people lie until they get caught and when they get caught they pretend the truth wasn’t exposed. And as ‘bipolar’ as I am….my composure is still being maintained through it all. Aside from me banging on the wall I share with the neighbor who still has the camera up, slamming every cabinet along that same wall for a few minutes straight and yelling “hoe” in the hallway when I looked over at the camera and saw it was in the same position…I’ve controlled my annoyance well. I think my nerves were pinched by the fact that earlier today I could clearly hear movement in the unit whose tenants claim to be ‘out of town’…so I plan on randomly slamming my kitchen cabinets all night, just for sh*ts and giggles. If they’re out of town…they won’t hear me.
No matter what reasoning is given to the leasing office by these gawkers…no level of pushback will make sense. Having the camera positioned in a way that captures my door isn’t any safer than putting it on the opposite side. Because if the only intent is to see their own door…both angles will capture their target. The manager told me that most people complain when these cameras are monitoring the hallway, which is why management requests for them to be positioned on door frames. So that leaves them with no argument for even keeping that style camera because…IT’S NOT ON THEIR DOORFRAME. I wish they would just hurry up and admit they’re obsessed with me because at this point that’s the only thing that makes sense. Their first refusal to move the camera, almost a year ago, has all signs pointing to captivated. I was comfortable not making a big deal out of their camera because I’m used to making myself uncomfortable for the benefit of someone else’s comfort but I don’t feel like being who I used to be anymore. But because the peep show pirates are ‘out of town’, I have to wait all weekend to hear whatever failed logic they attempt to give. If I hear the wrong thing…I’m accidentally leaving another message for the investors.
Trivia: When is the full moon this month? Now ask yourself if you’re finally starting to see that these energies tamper with my energy every moon cycle. After saying ‘yes’…ask yourself why? And tell me when you figure out the answer because I’m over this b*tch lost like a m’er f’er.
Love,
Choosy
