FurCoat(s)
These thoughts were triggered by weighing my options…
I literally bring nothing to the table of relationships…outside of my innate ability to unintentionally offend. This offense comes in all sizes, shapes and senses so…I’ve been single for a ‘long periolodicaly time’. During this drought I’ve come to a place of understanding that the probability of me remaining single is a lot higher than the possibility of me meeting my ‘misfit mate’ and living happily ever after. The fears of my fate are validated when I look around at the ‘elders’ in my family because I come from a long line of ‘almost doesn’t counters’. We have all been in relationships that ‘almost’ led to marriage but the majority of us never jumped that broom. I could pretend this is the result of our poor selection of spouses but the reality of the situation is that none of us are made out of mentally stable marriage material..not even the men. If I had the ability to live the rest of my life in a trauma free trance, I could probably attract a sane match but as it stands now…I don’t meet the qualifications for a mentally stable connection…with a human.
A while ago I was a watcher of the late Kevin Samuels. Before seeing his style of entertainment for what it was and unsubscribing from his advice, the suggestion he gave to most of his female callers had been ingrained in my psyche. “Buy a dog.” In the past, ’Gaslightning’ has used this line as an insult towards me but honestly speaking…this now seems like a legitimate alternative to solitude. For the longest I avoided becoming the woman who finds companionship in a non human because I wasn’t ready to concede to the forever manless fate that the older women in my family have been forced to surrender to. My ability to submit to this destiny has increased, as the years have gone by, because time has allowed me to become more comfortable with being spouseless. There is no pressure to perform for anyone other than myself and I don’t have to engage in the mind games that most long term relationships require. I don’t know if my feelings will change in the future but right now…I think what Mr. Samuels and his microphonic minions considered to be a slight…may actually be solid advice.
I’ve wanted a Rottweiler for as long as I can remember and my desire to buy one is growing stronger by the day. The first issue with this purchase is…it’s selfish to force a dog to make up for my inability to couple. Which means I’d have to get two in order to make sure their emotional needs are also being met. Is this looney logic?…kindly back out of my business please. The second issue is…I live in a shoebox. Forcing two giants to live in a ‘tiny home’ is animal abuse so I’m honestly considering moving in order to make this happen. I have to be transparent and admit that these urges appear every 4-6 months so chances are nothing will come of these thoughts. And if I’m really being transparent I have to admit that these urges have now resurfaced because I’m no longer playing chauffeur. School is out and the time I spent entertaining and being entertained by another soul has been significantly cut down. And this silence is loud af. If I was ‘normal’…I’d just search for another human to fill this void. But if I’m being realistic, no one is signing up to live in a state of constant offense. So looking for a bigger space to house my Rotties seems logical…to my illogical mind.
Love,
Choosy
